Attachment Relationships

Do you feel that you are insecure in the relationships that you have been in or you chase for love but then you are not able to find it in you to commit to that person? Do you feel attracted to people that are already with someone else and when you are with someone, you have a hard time really being in love and being with them for long periods of time? Do you be afraid and are you afraid of loss and being abandoned?

When it comes to love and relationships, there are different ways where you can become stuck in a relationship. You can be with someone that you shouldn’t be with or you see things going too fast for you and you are not wanting to take these risks.

It is hard to get unstuck when you are in different relationships and when you are trying harder to protect yourself than to make better choices in relationship. You have to learn to have courage and to be willing to let yourself go some.

You have to be open and look at your patterns in dating. What motivates you to find someone? Why do you act the way that you do and where do these feelings come from?

Attachment is a word that means having a deep and emotional bond with one person in time and space. The attachment theory means that you have different styles that you attach to and these normally form when you are child. This can mean how you attached to your caregiver and what you learned about being dependent or independent and giving and accepting love.

One thing to remember is that the people we were attached to can change the way that we look at things such as relationships and love and even sex. How we were loved can tell us how we make love and how we give love. This can show us how we are intimate and how we choose romance.

There are different layers of the attachment theory and they can go deep.  Looking at the four main styles including security, insecurity, avoidance and insecure-anxious shows us that there are styles that we normally fall into that includes our intimacy, how committed we will be and the type of connection e will have.

Some people are able to figure these things out early on and thanks to their parents, they have learned to see others as safe and to not be disappointed and upset all of the time.

When a person has insecure-avoidant attachment though, they normally come from homes where their parents did not care about their feelings or their parents did not allow them to be emotional, so they closed off.

Those with insecure attachment often had parents that were not supportive or available and sometimes they were even threatening. These people did not have the security that they needed and so they are dramatic and do not know how to control their emotions.

Avoidant and anxious people are afraid of being left and they are so fearful that they do not let others get close to them. They become demanding and are sometimes crude.

Those that are insecure-disorganized attachment are even more confused. Their parents were likely abusive or shut down, they remained scared and had no one to show them what love really was. They were often neglected or abandoned, and these people sometimes end up in abusive relationships and never know how this happened.

Long term relationships can work out even when someone has these attachment styles. People that have anxious attachment will have high mood swings and they can be fun and smart and outgoing and then they can change how they feel.

Some might even go through relationships where they feel obsessive and then they withdraw because they become scared of being with someone that they like. They are afraid that he or she will leave them and so they begin to withdraw from the relationship.

When you get involved with someone that is married, this can become a problem and the motivation behind this is normally that people are already feeling defeated and so they seek relationships that can fail for a reason. Sometimes, these feelings are never resolved, and people have a hard time being happy.

It is hard to be compassionate for people but when you can understand where they come from and the abandonment that they felt, this can change how you see them in their relationships. Many people spend years in an anxious attachment, and they are having a hard time being emotionally available to their partner. They have a hard time being intimate and they change partners because they feel that their partner is the one to blame.

A person has to have values and learn to trust themselves. They have to work on being independent and codependent at the same time so that they can nurture the relationship and themselves. If you feel that you are one of these people, there is hope for a happy future.