relationship can be hard
Relationship Help

Being Picked on in Your Relationship

Being in any kind of relationship can be hard and there will always be some kind of personality flaws that people have. But, if you feel that your partner is constantly nitpicking at you, this can be a deal breaker. Having someone constantly fussing at you for everything that you do will lead to a lot of fighting and it will be hard to get along in this kind of relationship.

Sometimes this kind of action is done without someone even realizing that they are doing it, and it can become a normal thing in a relationship. If it comes to the point where everything is always wrong and someone is always nitpicking at you, the relationship can lead to problems that are no longer fixable.

Stop Them from Picking On You

If you feel that your partner is constantly picking on you about everything you do, here are some things that you can do to save your relationship:

  • Change This Habit

People get into habits of acting a certain way. Everyone is always changing in their thoughts and their beliefs, and this can affect their habits. One way to change these habits is to see how these things hurt your partner. Once you see this, change, and stop doing it.

When you realize you are constantly picking on your partner, you need to change the way that you think. Changing your mindset from this negative habit to something positive can save your relationship. Write down in a journal why you have to nitpick everything your partner does and what you can do to change your habit.

  • Leave the Relationship

Sometimes you might get to the point where you just need to leave the relationship. Someone that is always criticizing you or putting down what you are doing can end a relationship badly. Being with someone that is always complaining about your actions, or they think that nothing you do is right will end up leading you to a place of low self-esteem and fear.

Being mindful before you speak or being mindful before you correct someone needs to be part of your routine. Think about what you are saying and if it’s necessary before you speak.

  • Look at Your Behavior

Look at your behavior and find out why you feel the need to constantly nitpick. This behavior might happen because of something that your partner does that you feel that you can’t overlook. You need to ask yourself how you can avoid conflict with your partner and if you are overreacting in everything they are doing or saying.

  • Why Nitpick?

Ask yourself why you are nitpicking everything your partner does. There has to be a source of this somewhere. Reflect on what is bothering you and learn to change your attitude to something healthy. Sometimes nitpicking can come from criticizing the little things because you might not even want to be with this person without the hassle of breaking up with them.

  • Be Humble

Being humble can be a learned trait. You have to learn to overlook your partners flaws. You have the flaws too. If something is really annoying, you get to the point of ruining your relationship then you need to leave it. But, if you just find things annoying that you can overlook, learn to overlook them and to be humble.

Talk to your partner about what bothers you and then don’t keep bringing it up over and over again.

  • Be Creative in How You Approach Things

If you find that you need to talk about something that makes you aggravated with your partner, be creative in how you approach it. Don’t hurt your partner every time you talk to them and learn to make it into a joke. Sometimes your partner might not even realize that they are getting on your nerves.

  • Change Your Mindset

Being someone that constantly nitpicks is someone that needs to change your mindset and your focus. Instead of focusing on what they do, focus on why you love them. When you want to say something negative, remember that you love them for a reason and reflect on that.

  • They Aren’t Perfect

You have to realize that you aren’t perfect, and neither is your partner. If your annoyed by how they behave, know that you aren’t perfect either. Everyone has shortcomings and flaws, and you need to learn to accept them.

  • Don’t See Their Flaws

Instead of looking at your partners flaws, look at your own. When you see things that you find to be flaws in your partner, consider that these are just human behaviors. Don’t hold them against them.

  • Don’t Be Negative

Don’t keep being negative about what you say to your partner. This will cause there to be problems in the relationship that don’t have to be there. Change the way that you think and talk and learn to not let the negativity overtake you.

  • Put Trust First

Think about how much you are hurting your partner by constantly putting them down. See how you are able to trust your partner to not hurt you and remember that there are more things that are positive than negative.

  • Keep the Small Stuff Gone

Don’t let the small things that get on your nerves cause you to hurt your partner. Remember the things that they do for you and them way that they treat you and keep the small things gone. Some people don’t have a good connection with their partner, if you do, love them for that.

  • Support Them

You have to show support to your partner if you want the relationship to be strong. Constantly putting them down will cause them to become a place of dread instead of love.

  • Don’t Respond By Putting Them Down

If you have a partner that is always putting you down, don’t respond by putting them down. Learn to talk about what is going on and make sure that you are using your words in ways that aren’t bringing about conflict.

  • Change

If you are able to change the things that cause you to be annoyed or if you are annoying your partner, see if you can make changes to not cause the conflict. If your partner nitpicks you, try to change it so it doesn’t keep happening.

  • Get Help

Talk to a counselor or a therapist to help you to get past the hard parts in your relationship. You can both go together so you can both tell your side.

  • Be Patient

Understand that relationships take work and learn to be patient with your partner. If your partner is doing things that annoy you, talk about it and give them a chance to change. It can take a while for change to come but instead of putting them down, learn to allow them to change and see if your partnership is better.

  • Be Open

Be open to what your partner tells you. If you are always criticizing your partner, allow them to tell you how they are feeling about this. Communicate and also be open to constructive criticism. Sometimes they tell you things so that you can understand how they are feeling so that the relationship can get better.

  • Be Objective

Be objective in how you criticize and what you say. Learn to become a better person and to be nice to your partner. The words that you say to them can hurt them to the point where they leave you. Instead of avoiding conversation, talk about what your needs are.

  • Let Things Go

If there are things that you can let go, let them go. Having a good conversation can help to save the relationship but if you are always holding on to things then there will be no hope. Don’t allow annoying habits to cause you to fall out of love.

If your partner is always putting you down, try to avoid the behavior that you are doing and show them that you love them.

  • Talk, Talk, Talk

Having open communication is a must in all relationships. If there is a lot of negative talk, you need to find out where this is coming from. Give each other time to say what you are feeling. Set aside time to communicate with your partner and to get rid of constructive feelings.

  • Use “I” When You Talk

Instead of pointing fingers or blaming your partner, use “I” when you talk. Talk about what “I” need in the relationship or what “I” feel. Don’t try and tell them what they are feeling or what they are doing. Use your conversation to talk about what is going on with you.

  • Say What You Feel

It is important that you are able to say what you are feeling. This is one way that you can save your relationship. Find a time that you can talk where you both won’t be defensive.

  • Discuss Your Pain

If you are feeling the feelings of being judged all the time by your partner, tell them. This can cause there to be a loss of trust and this will ruin a relationship fast. Show them from your perspective what they are doing that is hurting you.

  • Don’t Yell

When you talk, be calm and don’t yell and scream at each other. Avoid calling each other names and putting each other down. An issue will never get solved if you are screaming and yelling at each other.

  • Ask Questions

Ask your partner what is going on that is causing them to be annoyed at you. Ask them what you are doing, that is making them feel that way. Don’t be afraid to ask them why they are upset with you and what you can do to change it.

  • Complement Them

Complement your partner on the things that they are doing right. If you feel that you are constantly nitpicking, find things that you can say that will raise them up. Get rid of any negative energy that you have brought into the relationship and learn to stop focusing on the flaws but to embrace the good parts.

  • Ask Them to Give You Feedback

Ask your partner to tell you things that they have a hard time dealing with that you do. If they are always nitpicking, find out what you do that bothers them. Make them think about how they are talking to you and how it can change.

  • Notice Everything

Take time to notice why your partner is nitpicking you and what is going on around you when this happens. Don’t ignore your feelings or your partners feelings but talk about things and figure out what you can do to change it.

  • Notice the Timing

There might be times that your partner nitpicks you more such as at the end of the month when money is tight or when stress comes. Maybe they do this more when they are hungry. Figure out what the timing of their nitpicking is and then discuss this further.

  • Let Thing’s Go

If you’re the one nitpicking, learn to let things go. Saying things that are hurting your partner are not going to make the relationship strong but it will cause a weakness there. You need to learn to change the way that you see things and let stuff go. Or, if you can’t, say goodbye and walk away so that your partner can find someone that doesn’t find so many faults in them.

How to Stop Nitpicking

You need to make sure that you aren’t being critical of your partner but that you are focusing on your own flaws. Learn to talk in a peaceful way before you decide to criticize. Think about what your partner is feeling if you’re constantly putting them down. Be willing to learn how to see past their flaws and to love them anyway.

What if They Are Nitpicking to You?

If you have a partner that is constantly putting you down, you need to openly communicate with them. Set boundaries on what you will put up with and what you won’t. Tell them that they are hurting you and that they are causing your relationship to be strained. Talk to your partner about being mindful of how they speak to you.

What Does Nitpicking Mean?

Nitpicking is picking on someone for everything that they say or do. If your husband leaves the toilet seat up and you are constantly putting them down for it, this is nitpicking. This can be about anything. If you are always wanting your partner to be perfect, this is also nitpicking.

What Makes People Nitpick?

Nitpicking can happen because you are picky about what you want people to do. You might be someone that is a perfectionist and you are always making a big deal out of nothing. Talk to your partner and see if you can both come to some kind of agreement.

Final Thoughts

Nitpicking means that you are being overly focused on something that your partner is doing, and you are negative about it. This is constructive criticism at a high rate, and it seems to be constant in the relationship.

When someone is constantly nitpicking, it can cause their partner to feel judged and put down. This is when you look at their behavior as annoying and you are constantly pointing it out or you are constantly pointing out their flaws. This kind of behavior can ruin a relationship quickly.

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