Breaking Up with Someone You Still Love: How to Deal
May 7, 2021
Breakups are hard, but when you are still in love with your partner, the breakup can feel unbearable. It can feel as if your heart is being ripped out of your chest each and every day. You can try to continue putting off the breakup, but this just makes it harder. It would be nice to be able to say that once it was over, things would feel better, but healing takes time. As you heal, there are a few things shared below to help you cope a bit better.
Accept Love is Not Enough – Though love is necessary, it does not fix every problem. In fact, relying only on love can make problems worse. Just because you love someone does not mean that the relationship will last forever or that it can be saved.
It is Not Your Fault – You may wonder if you had done something differently if things would be different, but you need to stop blaming yourself. Sometimes, couples move in different directions and the chemistry that once existed will fade. When the relationship no longer works, it ends, and you must realize it is not your fault.
What’s Best for You – Being sad and miserable, crying yourself to sleep each night, is not what is best for you. If this is what is happening, it is time to end things and move on. One day in the future, you will realize there is a better love for you out there and it will be stronger than what you are currently feeling. Take care of yourself, even if this means breaking your own heart.
Build a Support System – If you know you are going to break-up with someone, take time to build some support ahead of time. Talk to family and friends about ending the relationship, so when it happens, you do not feel completely alone. You will need someone to talk to and help support you through the aftermath of ending a relationship.
Set Aside Time Post Break-Up – It can be hard to even think about life post break-up, but you need to think about yourself and how you are going to heal. Arrange your schedule so you can have a few days to hide away and mourn what is lost, listen to music, or cry. You can do what you need whether it is a vacation with friends, take some time away alone, or just skip out on work. Just take enough time to handle the first wave of emotion before moving forward.
Have the Talk/ Grab the Tissues – Crying can be a pain, but grab your tissues because it is time to have the talk with your partner. Stay strong, even if the tears are flowing. Say what you need to and be respectful. This will likely hurt your partner as well, but you need to stick with your decision. Say your goodbyes, even if it is through tears.
Stay Away – It can be tempting to check on your ex online or in person, but fight the urge. If you are checking up on them, you are likely to get back together. For a while, avoid hanging out in common places to give yourself time to heal and grow stronger.
Hold Off On Friendship – Though your future may hold a friendship for you and your ex, now is not the time. Set a time in the distant future to discuss that, but for now it is best to stay apart.
Get Rid of Reminders – You do not have to throw everything away, but help yourself heal by removing pictures of your ex and putting away special gifts in a closet until you are in a better place to deal with them.
Cry If Needed – If something reminds you of the good times, cry. Tears wash the heart, so let them out when needed. One day, hopefully soon, you will not feel the need to cry any longer. Each day will help you feel better and stronger.
Skip the Rebound – Rebounds can be lots of fun, but after a long relationship it will go badly. Stay single for awhile until you are ready to start something with a commitment once again.
Let Your Friends Help – You may be locked away for a few days, but answer when your friends call. A few days in, head out to dinner with them so they can distract you.
Mourn, Don’t Dwell – You will mourn, you have lost something big in your life, but do not dwell on it and forget how to live. Let the healing process progress, even when it is tough.
Know Pain Ends – The pain of a break-up does not last forever. It may take days, weeks, months, or more, but it will end. You will even fall in love again. Take the time to feel the pain and know you will be stronger on the other side.