Relationship Help

When You Love a Narcissist and How to Deal

You cannot always choose who you are going to fall in love with. When you fall for another person, it is like your emotions are out of control. Maybe you have chosen to love someone even though they are narcissistic, and this can be a hard thing to deal with. The good news is that you can have a good relationship with a person that has this personality disorder as long as you learn to cope with it and make the relationship work.

Understanding Narcissism

It is important that you take as much time as you can to learn about narcissism. This is a mental illness that can cause someone to feel more important than they are which means that they have very little empathy or compassion for others. This is something that can be intimidating if you aren’t sure about what it is, but a narcissism person can fall in love and commit to a real relationship.

Understanding how complex this disorder is will show you that narcissists will often feel shame and will become depressed because of how they act. It is important to understand the treatments available and the signs of this disorder to make your relationship work out better.


Having a relationship with someone that has a narcissistic personality can be trying on your emotions. Your partner will have strong feelings of both positive and negative things. They might feel angry, mad, sad, frustrated, and disgusted at any time, but you will too.

Do not try to stop your partner from having emotions but instead try to get them to take their emotions and use them in an appropriate and good way. Encourage them to tell you what emotions they are having without screaming at you and without acting out. You have to do the same when you tell them how you are feeling.

Do not let them get away with manipulating you because this is one thing that is very known to someone that has this personality disorder. When you need to communicate, you need to address the issues in a calm way and let him control himself. Do not let him get you bent out of shape because this gives him an excuse to do the same.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Do not let everything that your partner do to you become a big deal. He will use this condition to make comments that might hurt you or to do actions that are frustrating to you.

To keep yourself strong, you need to make sure that you choose what to respond to and what to ignore. Do what works for you and set boundaries. Remember that there are limits that your partner needs to have and sometimes he will need to apologize.

Take a Break from Fighting

Sometimes you will need to have a break from your partner. This mental illness can cause you to be exhausted and you need to take time away from your partner when they are experiencing strong symptoms.

Remove yourself from them for the amount of time that you feel is necessary to give yourself back your energy. Go visit family or friends and allow yourself time to vent with them. Tell your partner that you have to have these times for yourself and do not let them make you feel guilty for it.


The best thing that can help your relationship is having your partner get therapy. Sometimes someone with this disorder will deny that they need help. If your partner does not get therapy needed and refuses your request, you need to stay involved or leave the relationship. If you decide to stay involved, you need to know that their disorder will not change but if they get the psychotherapy that they need it will help to keep things in control. On top of that, you can get advice on how to support your partner during their treatment.

When you love someone that has this personality disorder, it can be hard on you, but you have to keep your own control and make sure that you are self-confident enough to stand up to them and take action when needed.

Being a Good Partner

When you are in love with a narcissist it is never going to be easy. You might have your own narcissism and you will see that with this disorder you have a hard time thinking about other people’s problems but your own. You may have been this way for as long as you can remember but that doesn’t make you less of a person.

When you are a narcissist, it doesn’t mean that you don’t need anyone anymore. It doesn’t mean that you cannot care and love others. It just makes you have a hard time showing compassion for others. It can be hard to be a good mate to someone but here are ways that you can be a loving partner and a better person:

Make Things Two Ways

One of the biggest problems that a narcissist faces is that they are focused mostly on themselves and are often selfish. They will take care of their own needs and not care about what other people need in their life. The best way to fix this is to make sure that you include your partner in everything.

Remember that you need to always offer what your partner needs. If you get a drink out of the fridge, give your partner the drink that they like and not what you are drinking. If you are too cold and your partner is hot, instead of adjusting the thermostat, get a blanket. Make sure that you are using self-care but that you include your partner in whatever care you do.

Check In

Most people with this disorder believe that everyone feels and does things the same. When they are having a bad day, they think that everyone is having a bad day. Being happy means that you often look the other way when someone else is hurting. Your partner will experience things different than them, so it is important that you ask other people how their day is and what they are thinking. Here are some things you can ask your partner:

  • What would you like to do today?
  • How was work today?
  • What are you feeling?
  • Was there any trouble for you while I was gone?
  • What is happening with you?


Narcissists are often promise breakers and they don’t even realize they are doing it. They forget special holidays and birthdays. Keep track of the things that you promise and make sure that you do them and remember them. You can get a calendar that you can write everything down or get an app that will help you remember.

Once you show someone that you are devoted to them then you can be a good partner.

Ask What They Are Feeling

Sometimes people that are narcissistic will forget to notice that other people have emotions beyond themselves. They don’t just feel and sense the emotions of others. Do not forget that your partner has their own emotions and make sure that you are going to find out how your partner is feeling every day. Do this so that you can check their emotions each time you talk to them.

The best thing to do is to ask what you want to ask. Ask your partner to express their emotions with you. Communicate with them and be honest in what you are feeling.

Encourage your partner to be open with you and to tell you what they are feeling. Say things like this:

  • How are you feeling today?
  • How do you feel about that situation?
  • What are you in the mood to do today?
  • Is doing this too much for you?
  • Is this making you bored?

Offer Help

You can offer yourself and find ways to focus on others beyond yourself. This is how to make the relationship stronger. Offer to do things for your partner such as get them something to eat or take them on a date. Most partners of narcissist complain that they do not get anything out of their partner in the relationship. When you do things for your partner you can do things that you both love and make your feelings for each other better.

When your partner is working on a project, ask them if you can help them. If they are cooking, ask if you can cut something for them. Find ways to support them. Say things such as:

  • How can I help you?
  • Can I get you something when I am up?
  • Can I rub your back? You seem tired.
  • What would you like to do at home?

Give Them Credit

Narcissists often have a hard time seeing beyond what they do and one good thing that they can do is give their partner value for what they do. Your partner will worry that when they do things for you that you will not think it is good enough. Assure them that you appreciate them.

Find ways to thank your partner for times that they do things for you and for giving you good ideas or helping you. If they do something out of the way for you, make sure that you thank them.

Here are some things you can say to them:

  • You told me that, now I remember.
  • This was a great idea, thanks for bringing me here.
  • Thank you for cooking that delicious meal.
  • Thank you for cleaning up the kitchen, can I help you?
  • We should have done this before; this was a great idea. Thank you for suggesting it!
  • This day has been great! I loved being with you.

Going the Right Direction

Having narcissism doesn’t mean that you cannot love and support someone in your life. Each relationship has things that they have to work through but the best part about it is that you can work together and make things work no matter how hard it is. You can learn to agree with each other and learn to show care for each other.

Doing these things can help you to understand and remember that your partner has needs just like you do.

Get Help

Never forget that if you need help that there is help out there for you. You do not have to deal with things alone and if you and your partner are experiencing problems, find someone that you can talk to. Go to a professional or get couple’s counseling. They can help you to understand your feelings and to express yourself. A professional can give you a different point of view and help you to work around your disorder. This can help you to have a great relationship with your partner.

If you are experiencing any of these things, find someone that can help you and know that your relationship can be strong and good despite this disorder.

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