If you want your ex back there are some strategies to help, but know that most people only want their exes back when emotions are on a self-destruct mission. Knowing the end of a breakup is only a text message away can make us believe that the relationship should be saved, regardless of what caused the breakup originally. If we seek our exes back, we may end up sacrificing self-esteem, self-worth, and dignity knowing that deeper work needs completed before considering a reunion.
If you are ready to try it again, we will share some tried and true techniques, but know the next break-up will be harder and more trying. Every breakup with the same person, hurts deeper and causes more emotional exhaustion. Beyond this, our self-esteem is further damaged and we become weak and vulnerable. This usually leads to going back again, creating a vicious cycle.
This list will help you get your ex back while avoiding the mistakes described above. While there are no magic texts or special words that will have you hugged up on your ex tonight, if you are willing to put in the work and play long term, you really cannot lose, no matter the final outcome.
Commit to Yourself
This technique takes dedication, not simply playing around. There are no guarantees that you will end up back with your ex, no one can promise that, but you will reap benefits in various areas of your life no matter what. You must make a deal with yourself to be kind, compassionate, and responsible to your own being. The overall experience will show you how important mental toughness is and how resilient you can be. This is a great thing.
Disappear Completely from Your Ex’s Life
Too many people make the mistake of “accidently” running into their ex, leaving an innocuous message on social media, or trying to stay “friends”. This will do nothing more than push your ex away. This is desperate and unattractive, giving off a needy vibe that is never good.
Do not worry that your ex will forget you if you totally disappear from their lives. If you make yourself scarce, well totally disappear, from their lives, they will become curious. They will want to know where you have gone and what is going on. If this turns out not to be the case, then you know without a doubt that it is over and it is time to move on. While dealing with that idea can be tough, at least it is clear and immediate, no discussion or closure needed.
Don’t bother to tell your ex that you are moving on, you do not owe them that. Continue to be elusive and drive them nuts. If you simply talk, but never act on what you are saying, no one will believe you have.
When you are feeling down and discouraged, get moving. Keeping your focus on your physical health and strength will amp you up much more than staying weak and vulnerable. You have already made a commitment to focus on other things, rather than your ex, now you have time to do so.
Moving around is representative of growth and change which is needed because you are stuck in what was. If needed, make some lifestyle changes like eating better, drinking water, and working out. This is just a start and the added benefit of looking great never hurts. When your ex hears the news, they will probably be jealous, but this will not matter because this is not the purpose. Others will start commenting and the ex will realize you are committed to yourself, thriving without them.
Get organizing some time with friends, even when you do not feel like it. Becoming stagnant and binge-watching Netflix will only give you time to dwell on the past and this is not the point. While parties are great, you can start small with a yoga class or meditation that hits you on a soul level. Make sure you limit alcohol consumption because this can send you in the wrong direction. The purpose is to go out and be around others, even if your ex does not see you because they will hear about it. Let them find out you are enjoying life.
No Conversation if the Ex Reaches Out
Ignore your ex totally if they reach out, but if you must be polite then tell them you do not feel the need to talk. You need something else at the moment. Be very matter of fact, while clearly defining boundaries. This is not derailing getting them back, just giving you space to implement the necessary changes. If they get mad, that is their problem, you are the number one priority at the moment.
If your ex starts dating someone else, do not get derailed. They want you to react to prove they still affect you. However, if they are truly in love with the new person, then you are free to exit totally emotionally from your previous relationship. It may be painful, but there is no need to pine over someone who is unavailable.
No Public Communication
If you run into your ex in public, keep moving. There is no need to communicate because it will leave you stuck in the victim role. You never want your ex to hear you have been crying over them or talking about them.
Make an Effort
When you go out, put effort into how you look. This is for your benefit, not anyone else’s. When you make an effort, you will be more confident, have attitude, and give off a new energy. Shower, do your hair, and choose your outfit carefully. No matter how you feel, act happy (not fake), with a smile, appropriate body language, and a casual attitude. The longer you act happy, the more you will feel it.
Have a Goal
Give yourself something to work toward, a new goal, so you can have a sense of accomplishment. Try something slightly out of your comfort zone and commit to it completely.
While none of these goals are groundbreaking or new, they are straightforward and effective. You will start to feel empowered and better about yourself overall. You will be putting yourself on center stage and be able to reassess your previous relationship, as well as other things. This breaks any codependency and redefines your personhood.
After spending all this time on yourself, if you still want your ex back, ask if they have also worked on themselves. If you do get back together will you be respected, loved, and have an emotional investment from them? How you treat yourself is how the bar is set for how others treat you. Each of the preceding steps are ways to make you examine yourself and see what you can be and do deserve. If your ex no longer matches up, then nothing else in the relationship will matter.
If you continually tell people about what you are doing, but never really do anything, then this will not work. By working on yourself, your ex will be curious about the changes. You must then decide if the challenge of getting your ex back really matched with good intentions. Regardless of what you decide, you now have a new perspective and it is totally up to you.