Toxic Relationship
Relationship Help

11 Ways to Tell if You Have Been Scarred by a Toxic Relationship

You are in shock.  You just ended a relationship with a partner that was emotionally unavailable and at times hypercritical of you and your actions.  You wonder how you could have misjudged someone so horribly and what could have even done to deserve this toxic treatment.  You are in a swirl of confusion and strong emotions.  You believe that you have been abused and thus are suffering from the mental repercussion of emotional trauma.

Each day can feel like it requires a host of energy just to leave your bed.  When you leave your house and interact with others, it feels like you are just going through the motions and instead are living someone else’s life.  The pain might become so intense you begin to shut yourself off from loved one leaving phone messages unanswered and decline social invitations.  You numb your pain with alcohol, food, or guilt pleasure, living for the moment you can crawl back into bed and hide under your covers.

You intrinsically know that you are not to blame for your partner’s mistreatments towards you.  Yet, you find yourself stuck and unable to find peace.  No matter how much time seems to pass you feel conflicted over your breakup and despite the pain, you still wish you could be together.  Because of these unbalanced feelings of love, yearning and hurt, your heartache is compounded.  Below we have compiled eleven signs that you may be scarred from a toxic relationship.

  1. Frequent emotional outbursts. It might feel like you are always on the verge of crying.  Despite understanding people support and love you, anger regarding your situation becomes displaced onto your loved ones.
  2. You never feel rested.  No matter how much you sleep at night, you struggle to keep your eyes open during the day.  You feel so out of sync with your body you may require the assistance of sleep aids at bedtime to manage your insomnia. When you are able to “sleep” you may struggle with reoccurring nightmares about your relationship.
  3. You have flashbacks.  It seems like all stimuli trigger you to have a memory of your ex and their hurtful way.  You relive the hurtful moments in your romance.  These episodes can retrigger your fear, sadness and magnify your feelings about both your relationship and the breakup.  You can’t heal because the past won’t leave you alone.
  4. You isolate yourself. You find you only start going out to go to work or run errands.  You feel so depleted of energy that you stop any self-care regimen and wear your comfy clothes.  It feels like all interactions with your family and friends are too difficult to undertake.
  5. You have extreme anxiety. You vacillate between panic attacks and being in a state of shock.  You may have lost your desire to eat and as a result your physical health is suffering.  Your mental health gets so poor you might have contemplated hurting yourself or worse.
  6. You can’t concentrate. As your mental health declines, your mind seems to shut down.  You may become unable to focus on any task at work or at home.  This is actually your mind’s way to trying to protect and heal you from your trauma.
  7. You rage. The next stage of healing is coming out of depression and into a place of anger over your cruel treatment.  You can become consumed by the thoughts of the unjust ways you were treated and how no one will ever hurt you like that ever again.
  8. You feel guilty. Feeling of trauma can become intensified to the point you feel you were to blame for the toxic romance.  Although you worry your thinking is irrational you become fixated by reliving and slowly processing your regret and sorrow.
  9. You’re codependent. You feel like you need someone, one to love you.  You might think you need someone to care for you, because you are incapable of fending for yourself.
  10. You’re in denial. You can’t accept that your relationship is over. You find yourself waiting by your phone for a message begging your forgiveness.  If only you could reconcile, then thing can go back to how they were at the start of your relationship when things felt fresh, hopeful and loving.
  11. You numb your pain. You drink, take drugs, or shop excessively.  However, the overconsumptions only cause your more regret, sadness and pain.

Finding the Courage to Accept

You might be avoiding releasing any hope of reconciliation because it has the finality of a death.  Yet, when you can accept and face these facts, only then can you truly being to heal.  The image of the person you are clinging to was a façade.  Despite any storybook beginning the hurt they caused you is real and lingering.  You must say an ultimately goodbye to them, so you can rediscover your self and self-worth again.  The sooner you can address any trauma in your relationship the soon you can fully recover and discover the love you deserve to have in your life.  Be honest with yourself about the medical needs your physical and mental health require.  You may benefit from seeing a trained professional to help you process your grief and fears, as well as a spiritual leader to help you discover a sense of peace and purpose.

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