Dating? Don’t Say These Things: Key Phrases to Avoid for Relationship Success

Dating is exciting, nerve-wracking, and full of potential. Whether it’s a first date or you’re navigating the early stages of a relationship, the things you say can either strengthen your connection or create unintended distance. While being yourself is crucial, there are certain phrases or topics that can inadvertently sabotage your date. When you’re excited to make a good impression, the last thing you want is to say something that leaves the other person feeling uncomfortable or uncertain about the relationship’s future.

So, “Dating? Don’t Say These Things” is more than just advice on avoiding awkward moments—it’s about helping you build a deeper, more meaningful connection by being mindful of your words and how they impact the other person. In this article, we’ll cover key phrases and conversation topics to avoid, explain why they can harm your budding relationship, and provide alternative approaches to ensure your dating experiences are positive and enjoyable.

The Power of Words in Dating

Words hold incredible power. The things we say can shape the course of a relationship, especially during the dating phase when you’re both still getting to know each other. While many people focus on dressing well and planning the perfect date, it’s just as important to pay attention to the words you use. Seemingly innocent remarks or poorly chosen comments can leave a lasting impression—sometimes not for the better.

It’s not about censoring yourself or being overly cautious but about choosing your words thoughtfully to foster understanding, respect, and connection. Here are some common phrases and topics to avoid while dating, along with explanations and better alternatives.

1. “My Ex Used to…”

Comparing your current date to an ex is one of the quickest ways to kill the mood. Mentioning your ex can make the other person feel uncomfortable or insecure, and it signals that you might not be over your past relationship. Even if the comparison is positive, bringing up an ex too early can make your date feel like they’re in competition with someone from your past.

Why it’s harmful: Talking about exes can suggest emotional baggage, and no one wants to feel like they’re being compared to someone else. It also shifts the focus away from the current relationship and back to the past.

Example: Saying, “My ex used to love this restaurant,” or, “My ex always did this when we argued,” can make your date feel like they’re stuck in your old relationship.

What to say instead: Focus on the present and what’s happening between you and your date. If the conversation turns to past relationships, keep it brief and don’t dwell on comparisons. Instead of saying, “My ex always helped me with work,” try, “I really appreciate it when someone is supportive.”

2. “Why Are You Still Single?”

On the surface, this might seem like a harmless question or even a compliment, as if to say, “You’re such a catch, how has no one snatched you up?” However, this question often puts the other person on the defensive. It can feel like an interrogation or imply that something is wrong with them for being single.

Why it’s harmful: This question can come across as judgmental or invasive, and it may make the other person feel pressured to explain their past or justify why they haven’t settled down.

Example: Asking, “Why are you still single?” might seem like a way to praise your date’s qualities, but it could make them feel like they need to provide a reason for their relationship status.

What to say instead: Rather than focusing on why they’re single, steer the conversation toward their values and what they’re looking for in a relationship. A better approach might be, “What qualities are most important to you in a partner?”

3. “You’re Not Like Other [Insert Gender Here]”

While you might think you’re giving a compliment, this statement can come across as a backhanded remark about an entire gender. It implies that you’ve had negative experiences with other men or women and are judging your date based on stereotypes or past encounters.

Why it’s harmful: This statement can be seen as condescending and implies that you have a low opinion of other people of their gender. It can make your date feel like they’re being held to unrealistic standards or that they’ll eventually be lumped in with the negative generalization.

Example: Telling a woman, “You’re not like other women I’ve dated—they were all too needy,” or telling a man, “You’re not like other guys who are only interested in one thing,” sets a negative tone.

What to say instead: Compliment your date for who they are as an individual, without comparing them to others. Try, “I really appreciate how thoughtful and genuine you are,” which focuses on their positive traits without putting down others.

4. “I Don’t Believe in Labels”

While it’s true that not everyone likes to define their relationships with labels, this phrase is often used as a way to avoid commitment or keep things casual indefinitely. If you’re saying this on a date, it can make the other person feel like you’re not interested in a serious relationship or that you’re not taking them or the relationship seriously.

Why it’s harmful: This phrase can be confusing and leave your date wondering about your intentions. It can suggest that you’re not interested in commitment or that you’re emotionally unavailable.

Example: Saying, “I don’t believe in labels,” might signal to your date that you’re not looking for anything serious, which could clash with their expectations.

What to say instead: Be clear about your intentions without dismissing labels altogether. You could say, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, and I’m open to seeing where this goes,” which communicates interest without rushing into a defined relationship too soon.

5. “Are You Going to Eat All That?”

Commenting on someone’s eating habits, especially during a date, is a huge no-no. Whether it’s a playful joke or a genuine question, remarks about what someone is eating can make them feel self-conscious. It can also come across as body-shaming or judgmental, even if that’s not your intention.

Why it’s harmful: Comments about food or eating habits can make your date feel uncomfortable or judged, and it’s a surefire way to kill the mood.

Example: Saying, “Are you really going to eat all that?” or, “You should order something healthier,” can make your date feel insecure about their choices.

What to say instead: Stick to positive comments about the meal or ask your date about their favorite foods. Instead of focusing on how much they’re eating, say something like, “This dish looks amazing—what’s your favorite thing to order?”

6. “You’re Too Good for Me”

While this might seem like a humble or self-deprecating comment, it can put unnecessary pressure on your date. It implies that you’re not confident in your own worth and can make the other person feel uncomfortable. Rather than feeling flattered, your date may feel the need to reassure you or question why you’re putting yourself down.

Why it’s harmful: This statement can come across as insecure, and it places the responsibility on your date to build up your self-esteem. It also puts them in an awkward position where they might feel compelled to disagree with you.

Example: Saying, “You’re way too good for me,” can make your date feel like they need to comfort you or prove that they’re not superior in any way.

What to say instead: Focus on the qualities you admire about your date without diminishing yourself. You could say, “I’m really enjoying spending time with you, and I love how kind and thoughtful you are.”

7. “When Are You Planning to Settle Down?”

Asking someone when they’re planning to settle down can feel intrusive and presumptive, especially on a first date. It might make your date feel like you’re rushing the relationship or focusing too much on the future before you’ve even gotten to know each other.

Why it’s harmful: This question can put pressure on your date to reveal personal information about their long-term plans or make them feel like you’re in a hurry to fast-track the relationship.

Example: Asking, “When do you think you’ll settle down and get married?” might make your date feel uncomfortable, especially if they’re not ready to discuss long-term commitments.

What to say instead: Keep the conversation light and focused on the present. You could ask, “What are you excited about in the next few years?” which gives your date a chance to talk about their goals without feeling pressured to commit to anything right away.

8. “Let’s Split the Bill”

The topic of paying for a date can be tricky, especially with evolving social norms around gender roles and finances. However, how you approach the conversation can say a lot about you. While there’s nothing wrong with splitting the bill, the way you bring it up matters. Being too abrupt or transactional about it can come across as cold or uninterested.

Why it’s harmful: The way you handle paying for the date can set the tone for the rest of the evening. Being too blunt or expecting your date to cover their own expenses without discussion can make the moment awkward or uncomfortable.

Example: Simply saying, “Let’s split the bill,” without any context can feel impersonal, as if you’re treating the date like a business transaction.

What to say instead: If you want to split the bill, bring it up in a considerate way. You might say, “How would you feel about splitting the bill?” or offer to cover the meal if it’s something you feel comfortable doing. The key is to communicate your intentions with respect and thoughtfulness.

9. “You Remind Me of My Mother/Father”

Comparing your date to a parent—even if it’s meant as a compliment—is rarely a good idea. It can make your date feel uncomfortable or unsure of how to respond. No one wants to be reminded of a parent while they’re trying to connect with someone romantically.

Why it’s harmful: While you might be trying to express admiration, comparing your date to a parent can blur the lines between familial and romantic affection, which may feel awkward for both parties.

Example: Saying, “You remind me so much of my mother,” can make your date feel uneasy, as it shifts the tone of the conversation from romantic to familial.

What to say instead: Focus on qualities you genuinely admire in your date without bringing up parental comparisons. You could say, “I really appreciate how caring and thoughtful you are,” which keeps the conversation light and romantic.

Final Thoughts: Choose Words That Foster Connection

“Dating? Don’t Say These Things” isn’t about avoiding certain topics altogether, but about being mindful of how your words affect your date and the connection you’re trying to build. Dating should be an enjoyable experience, and with a little thoughtfulness, you can create meaningful conversations that bring you closer rather than create distance.

It’s natural to feel nervous on a date and to make the occasional misstep, but being aware of how certain phrases can come across helps you avoid unnecessary awkwardness or tension. Focus on getting to know your date, showing genuine interest in their life, and creating a positive, respectful atmosphere where both of you feel comfortable being yourselves. With the right approach, your words can pave the way for deeper understanding, connection, and lasting relationships.